I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
