She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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