Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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