dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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