I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
