I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
