i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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