Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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