tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
