What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
