to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
