so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
