mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
