She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
