wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize
