we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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