Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
