did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
