Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
