I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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