Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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