just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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