WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
should my penis look like a turkey
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
