i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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