why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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