quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
