i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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