What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
