yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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