I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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