so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
