Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
