I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
