When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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