just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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