He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
