was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
