oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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