I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize