Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
