Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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