im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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