i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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