What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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