Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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