Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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