i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The adults are the big ones right?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
