And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
