i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You smell like stripper and shame
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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