I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Even my vagina gasped.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
