That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
