That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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