Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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