This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize