i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
