just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
