My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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