Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
organizing the empties. That sober.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
