what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
