Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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