Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
