i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
