Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
