My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
