My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
