those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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