I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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