Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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