Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
