I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
