Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
