I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
