Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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