Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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