were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
