This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
ok first of all what the fuck
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize