a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
